End of February Blues

I've been feeling really burnt out recently. Tired all day but can't get to sleep, exhausted by the end of the day, frustrated that my apartment is messy, terrified that I have four and a half months left in AmeriCorps and very little idea what I will be doing next.
The sleep thing - it's stress, I know it. I should be exercising every day but I'm not. I should be getting in bed by 10 every night but I'm not. I know I will just lay there for hours, thinking. So it seems to make more sense to stay up, read, watch a movie, clean my bathroom (really. I did that the other night.).
Yesterday, 3:00pm, I came close to crying. I was exhausted, both physically and emotionally. I realized that Teach For America will let me know if I have made it to the first round of interviews in less than a week, and the whole process (if I make it) will be done in two months. We are having a large, 3-school event for Read Across America day on March 2nd (the same day as invitations to TFA's interviews are sent), which is coming together very slowly. I am turning 26 in four weeks. Life suddenly seemed very heavy.
Luckily, I had volunteered to stay for a school garden meeting. At 3pm, staying at school an hour extra didn't sound like the best idea, but I got to sit and talk with people who are passionate about gardening and community involvement and creating an educational environment with dirt and worms and compost and plants. There are teachers and parents really excited about bringing this program to our school, who won't quit until it is done.
Possibly the best part was talking to one of the younger teachers at my school before the meeting. She is close to my age, and I was telling her that I was trying to remind myself that when I am a "real" teacher, I won't be working with 27 students from grades K-5 in groups of 1-4 over the course of the day, and will be worrying a lot less about being able to pay my bills and still have money left to put gas in the car. We talked a little bit about the money issue, and she said to me "I have friends who are extremely well off. Like private jet well off, and I often can't even imagine what their lives are like. And then I sit back and realize that that is probably what a lot of my students families feel when they look at me."
That is so true, and I think it's fantastic that she realizes that disparity is there. She (along with most of the teachers I am lucky enough to work with this year) is totally aware of the differences between herself and her students, and tries to work through them.
Another big contributor to my 3:00 meltdown is my 5th grade boys. They are the last students I see every day, and they are by far my most difficult students. One of them wants to talk and ask questions about everything except what we are reading, and the other simply wants to know why I don't bring him candy.
We sit in the hallway directly across from a 4th-grade room. This class goes to specialists at the end of the day, so the teacher has planning time while I read with these boys. She often overhears our sessions and gives me tips and encouragement. On Tuesday, after a particularly difficult session, she complimented me on my patience. It's good to know I at least still have the appearance of being patient, even when I feel like my head is going to explode.