Finding Balance

It seems that in the past month, I have been doing a lot of serving and not quite enough surviving. I've been extremely sick twice, finally using up all of my sick days - this is not good, as there are about 2 and a half months of school left. I haven't been exercising, I haven't been sleeping, and, worst of all, I haven't been blogging. These three things are probably the most beneficial things I can do for my self, for my my mental and physical health  and by neglecting them I have been neglecting personal sanity. Not good.
March seemed to go by in a blur of motion and noise. March 2nd was Read Across America Day, in celebration of Dr. Seuss's Birthday. My awesome team of Alderwood WRC members spearheaded an effort to have a combined, three-school event. We recruited the other two Bellingham teams back in October, and had slowly been working on the event since then. We contacted the Mayor Pike and Sherrif Elfo, asking them to read their favorite Dr. Seuss books at the event. We got donations from several local businesses. We sent out press releases to local media. And on March 2nd, it finally all came together. The turnout for Alderwood was great; we had over 200 people show up. The other two schools didn't have quite as much luck, but we hope that this is just the beginning and the three Bellingham schools with WRC programs will continue to host events like this.
Also on March 2nd I was told that I was not selected for an interview for Teach For America. I was bummed, but I am excited to find some other opportunities, closer to home.
March also saw the final stages of our school garden planning, and on the 27th, a work party of staff, students, and families showed up to make those plans into a real garden. Thanks to a Starbucks grant, we got money for every volunteer that showed up. Money to spend on soil, seeds, and worms! I wasn't there, but I hear it was awesome, and I got to spend most of last Friday in the garden, and am very excited about the future of it.
Why wasn't I at the garden party on the 27th, you ask? Well, I was up at the crack of dawn to drive my Girl Scout Troop to Seattle. We (along with Jenn, another awesome AmeriCorps member), trekked to The Univeristy of Washington and Seattle University to tour the campuses. When you have a troop of teenage girls, you get to do the fun stuff. We had an awesome time, and talked a lot about the girls' plans for their futures. We also talked about everything from boys to the health care bill. It's nice to know that there are teenagers out there that I can relate to and have great conversations with. I feel really lucky to have gotten hooked up with this troop. Jenn and I are trying to convince them to go camping this summer, they so far are not very excited about "sleeping in the dirt." (Crazy, right?)
The day after our college tours, I got sick. Sicker than I have been in a very long time, and sicker than I ever want to be again. The kind of sick that makes you lose ten pounds. That put me out of commission for several days. When I returned to school, several of my students told me how they or their siblings had "puked a lot" that weekend. Thanks, guys.
Luckily, I recovered soon enough to celebrate my birthday. Yes, as of last week I am over a quarter of a century. I celebrated with my friends at trivia night, then dancing, then karaoke the following night, and then celebrating with my Seattle friends on Saturday night. I'm a big supporter of Birthday Week.
Now it's Spring Break, and I am relaxing on the beach. The fifty-degree, windy, stormy, San Juan Islands beach. I'm also applying for jobs and working on a drama program to present to the fifth grade teachers at my school. Hopefully this week allows me the time to relax and remember why it's important to both Serve AND Survive.

Lessons

Sometimes I think ADD is contagious.
I spend all day with these kids who can't pay attention to what they are doing, who can't sit still for two seconds, and when I get home I discover that I'm in the same state. I go to yoga and the whole time I think about stuff. Things of no importance, or things I have no control over at this moment. What I might say to the Teach For America interviewer. Where I might live next year - not what city but specifically what I want my apartment to look like. What kind of thing I might cook for breakfast if I had the time. Whether or not my co-workers like me. And then I remember I am supposed to be focusing on yoga and my breathing. Then the cycle repeats.
So, at least I have sympathy for my students. If I can't be still then how can I expect them to be?
The the same thing goes for interrupting. I hate it when people interrupt me, and I daily tell my students that it is rude. However, I find myself doing it all the time when I am talking with my friends, co-workers, and family. It's a habit I am trying to break myself of, because it is rude. It's like saying "what I have to say is more important than what you have to say," which is just another way of saying "I am more important than you," which I (usually) don't believe.
And again, if I can't stop interrupting, isn't it hypocritical of me to expect them to be quiet while I am talking?

Remember how I said I was feeling burnt-out? Well, last night I slept for over twelve hours. I fell asleep on the couch while watching a movie, woke up at about 9, brushed my teeth, went to bed, and didn't get up until 9:30 this morning. I think my body is trying to tell me something. Perhaps "don't stay up past midnight and then go to yoga the next morning at 8."
 It's pretty amazing how good one feels after twelve hours of sleep. And since I went to bed fairly early I have had all day to get things done. Maybe my mom was on to something when she wanted me to go to bed early as a kid. Just maybe.

End of February Blues

I've been feeling really burnt out recently. Tired all day but can't get to sleep, exhausted by the end of the day, frustrated that my apartment is messy, terrified that I have four and a half months left in AmeriCorps and very little idea what I will be doing next.
The sleep thing - it's stress, I know it. I should be exercising every day but I'm not. I should be getting in bed by 10 every night but I'm not. I know I will just lay there for hours, thinking. So it seems to make more sense to stay up, read, watch a movie, clean my bathroom (really. I did that the other night.).
Yesterday, 3:00pm, I came close to crying. I was exhausted, both physically and emotionally. I realized that Teach For America will let me know if I have made it to the first round of interviews in less than a week, and the whole process (if I make it) will be done in two months. We are having a large, 3-school event for Read Across America day on March 2nd (the same day as invitations to TFA's interviews are sent), which is coming together very slowly. I am turning 26 in four weeks. Life suddenly seemed very heavy.
Luckily, I had volunteered to stay for a school garden meeting. At 3pm, staying at school an hour extra didn't sound like the best idea, but I got to sit and talk with people who are passionate about gardening and community involvement and creating an educational environment with dirt and worms and compost and plants. There are teachers and parents really excited about bringing this program to our school, who won't quit until it is done.
Possibly the best part was talking to one of the younger teachers at my school before the meeting. She is close to my age, and I was telling her that I was trying to remind myself that when I am a "real" teacher, I won't be working with 27 students from grades K-5 in groups of 1-4 over the course of the day, and will be worrying a lot less about being able to pay my bills and still have money left to put gas in the car. We talked a little bit about the money issue, and she said to me "I have friends who are extremely well off. Like private jet well off, and I often can't even imagine what their lives are like. And then I sit back and realize that that is probably what a lot of my students families feel when they look at me."
That is so true, and I think it's fantastic that she realizes that disparity is there. She (along with most of the teachers I am lucky enough to work with this year) is totally aware of the differences between herself and her students, and tries to work through them.
Another big contributor to my 3:00 meltdown is my 5th grade boys. They are the last students I see every day, and they are by far my most difficult students. One of them wants to talk and ask questions about everything except what we are reading, and the other simply wants to know why I don't bring him candy.
We sit in the hallway directly across from a 4th-grade room. This class goes to specialists at the end of the day, so the teacher has planning time while I read with these boys. She often overhears our sessions and gives me tips and encouragement. On Tuesday, after a particularly difficult session, she complimented me on my patience. It's good to know I at least still have the appearance of being patient, even when I feel like my head is going to explode.

$7 a day - Take that, Rachel Ray!

The past few weeks, I've been missing things. Missing the time to write. Missing news stories, missing important dates, missing the news that last week was The United Way of King County's Hunger Action Week. Granted, I don't live in King County any more, but it's still one of those things I feel I should have known about.
The idea is, try to feed yourself for only $7 a day - also known as the maximum food stamp benefit available in Washington State. Also known as what I have done every day since September.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not knocking the idea. I think it's great. I think everyone should be aware of how difficult it is to eat good, healthy food on food assistance. What I really appreciate is that bloggers like The Gluten-Free Girl - who is, as her name implies, gluten free - are participating and blogging about the experience. It's much more difficult to live off of $7 a day when you can't buy a 99cent loaf of bread.
I am completely inspired by The Gluten-Free Girl's entry about her experience this past week, and I am making my own plans. Plans that include baking my own bread, roasting a chicken, and using my awesome new crock pot. Plans that include a real, honest-to-goodness budget for my food.
Because, you see, for the first time since September, I used up all my food stamp benefits before the month was over.
To be fair, I bought five different kinds of gluten-free flours to make a bread that I took a class to learn how to make. And Xanthan Gum, which is pretty much the most expensive white powder that you can buy legally. Now that I made the initial investment, I can make my own gluten-free sourdough bread, and make sandwiches and eat toast... very exciting.
However, this month I also did things like buy lunch at the Co-Op deli counter several times, as well as buy frozen meals to take to school. When you are living off of $7 a day for food, a $5 sandwich is not a good idea.
Planning meals is a big step in the right direction for food budgeting, and buying in bulk is another good way to stretch your food dollars. That's why I was excited to hear that Costco is now accepting food stamps (I am lucky enough to have a membership, I'm tacked on as a "domestic partner" to a family member). While I was searching the internet to confirm the rumor, I stumbled across this article/blog entry, by Aaron Crow, a "freelance journalist," with a lot of opinions. To give you a general idea of this particular opinion, it's titled "Costco accepting food stamps: not exactly a great idea." Some choice quotes:

"There are no 15 items or less lines at Costco to speed things up because no one buys less than 15 items at a time. I've been a Costco member for about six years, and I don't think I've ever walked out of there without dropping at least $100."

"I don't know how someone on food stamps who is shopping there maybe once a month can justify paying $50 for the privilege of shopping there for a year, but the enticing free food samples might make a meal in themselves during a visit and make the membership fee seem cheap."

And the kicker:  (Note: SNAP is the Federal name for Food Benefits)

"I'm all for increasing the purchasing power of shoppers, but SNAP users may have to be protected from themselves. The federal program prevents some items such as liquor and cigarettes from being bought with SNAP benefits. Maybe it should add Costco to the list of banned purchases."

I have to say, even after reading this article several times, I'm still struck speechless by the ridiculousness of that last statement. And of the article as a whole. Basically, Aaron believes that Food Stamp recipients are simply too dumb, or at least lack the self-control, to spend their benefits wisely. Since he himself can't go into Costco without buying a 25 gallon jar of olives, it obviously means that poor people won't be able to do so, either.
I could go on for pages, dissecting this mans logic, but I don't need to. Because he is wrong. I know this because I am on food stamps, and I plan on using them to purchase Quinoa, frozen vegetables, and possibly coffee. I will not buy "four pounds of red king crab for $99.99," because I am not an idiot.

Unfortunately, this attitude towards Food Stamp users is quite prevalent. There is a strange assumption amongst the general population that people who use food stamps are lazy, fat, and stupid. The New York Times had an interesting "debate" about this in December.  - I use quotations because everyone seems to agree. The second paragraph of the introduction sums it up nicely:

If people buy fresh vegetables or other relatively expensive though nutritious foods, they are considered to be living high on the hog at the taxpayers’ expense. But if they buy cheap foods like hot dogs they are criticized for poor health habits.

 Imagine you are feeding a family of four - you jumped through all the hoops to get food stamps, you now have $22 a day to spend to feed your family. You also work two jobs, can't read English at all, get around on the bus or by walking, and are unfamiliar with most of the food you see in the grocery store. How do you feed your family? You find the cheapest, most filling foods you can find, that take the least amount of time to prepare, or that your kids can prepare on their own while you are at work. So: hot dogs, canned soup, microwavable meals if your third grader can read the directions.

We need to teach people how to get the best nutrition for their dollars. We need to teach people how to cook with the food available to them - whether you came from Mexico, Thailand, or India, the food on the grocery store shelves is not going to look friendly to you. We need people to understand that sugary breakfast cereals and soda are not foods that will help them get through their day, no matter what they see in the advertisements.

The PTA at my school is starting a schoolyard garden, something I think all schools need, especially low-income schools. Students and their parents being involved and educated about gardening is how we start a food revolution - and that's what we all need, whether we are on public assistance or not.


**Edited to add:
I just found this article about the United Way Challenge at the Seattle Times website. I almost feel like the people who are "taking the challenge" aren't taking it seriously. They are worried about entertaining? First of all - it's totally possible. My best friend came over for breakfast this morning. Also, why do you think potlucks were invented? Second of all - when you are living off of an income that qualifies you for food stamps, you're probably not worried about hosting the neighborhood cocktail party.

It's beginning to look a lot like... the Pacific Northwest.

It's that time of year. And, as excited as I am for snow and lights and (gluten-free) cookies, I'm not talking about Christmas.
I'm talking about the bad time.
The time of year where AmeriCorps members begin to realize they will have no money to buy Christmas presents for friends and family. When many members just spent their first Thanksgiving away from home. Also, the time of year, in this part of the world, where we get up in the dark and get home in the dark. We haven't seen the sun in what seems like years, and it's starting to get cold.
How do we get through this time of year? With good friends and family. We try to shrug off the fact that we will not be buying gifts for everyone we want to buy gifts for. My friends and family are getting homemade gifts - hats, scarves, gloves, and pickles that I made this summer. The good thing about the current economy is that everyone is cutting back, so I don't feel so bad, but it's still frustrating.

We had our first snow of the season on Sunday. Today school started 2 hours late because of icy roads. I still nearly died getting my car out of my driveway. You would think that, this far north, this city would have better plans for bad weather. At least they have snowplows now - three years ago the city all but shut down for a week due to snow, because, yeah - the city didn't own any snowplows. Now the snow is melting, they are calling this horrible stuff falling from the sky "freezing rain." I parked my car at the top of the hill and walked down to my house, and I felt like I was on Deadliest Catch - the frozen water pelting my face, trying desperately not to fall on my butt (at least I didn't have to worry about the frozen ocean...)
One of my team members is from Florida and had literally never seen snow before. Sorry, Kristine, winter is not all that pretty here. It's mostly wet and grey. As someone who grew up here, I am used to it, but it still gets me down a little. I am trying to focus on the good things - I like my co-workers, I have great friends, I have a fun little Christmas tree and holiday music to listen to. Seeing my students, even the ones who can be frustrating, always brightens my day.
So, although I may not be able to literally walk on the sunny side of the street, I'll be busy finding the metaphoric sunshine these next few weeks. Or months.

Thanks.

I don't usually post blogs from school, but I wanted to share this. Today, the director of the Heritage Flight Museum forwarded me an email that she got from one of the soldiers we sent letters to in October.

"I got the letters in the mail and they were fantastic. Especially now that Afghanistan is the big topic, its great to know that people back home are still thinking about deployed soldiers. I took some down to our CP and everyone thought they were great. I'm glad though that this time there wasn't glitter available, like there was last time. Please send everyone involved my thanks for their time, effort, and thoughts for everyone over here."

It's great to know that something so simple is such a big deal to them. (Also - even soldiers know that glitter is the herpes of crafting.)
Again, this isn't about supporting or opposing a war, it's about remembering that there are people, young people, in a dangerous place far from home.
We will be making Christmas/Holiday cards to send over at the open house later this month. I'm thinking of also finding a small gift for the kids to make and send. Something to send a little cheer.

....and I'm back!

Sometimes, a person just needs a little break.
I have seven blog entries saved that started as great ideas, and fell flat on their faces about two paragraphs in. Things just weren't clicking. So I stopped trying.
But, the break's over now. And here I am, back in the blogosphere.

I am incredibly lucky to have a family friend who is a life coach. A few weeks ago, I posted something on my Facebook about "Trying to figure out what to do with my life." She sent me a message offering to help.
So, last week, I had a session with a life coach.
It was fantastic. I had no idea what to expect, as the only place I had ever heard of a life coach was on the FX show Nip/Tuck. As is to be expected with that show, serious drama revolved around the character. Thankfully, Page is nothing like that.
She had me chart out how I felt about different aspects of my life, and then we discussed what I can do to raise up the ones that I marked as being low. I feel good about my friends and family, as well as my health - now that I've figured out I have a wheat allergy, I don't think I've ever felt healthier... but, the remainder of my life needs a little work.
Instead of saying "you need to do this and this and this to improve your life," we had a discussion about why I don't feel positive about those certain aspects of my life, and what I can do to improve them.
For example: Self-Growth. I am a person who loves to learn things. Right now, I feel like I am learning a lot about bureaucracy and passive-aggressiveness in the workplace. That is not the kind of thing I want to learn about. So, we decided that I set aside some time in my week to learn things. To read a book about a subject I find interesting, or to attend a class, or even to talk to my friends about what they are learning in school. I am also going to set aside some time to create art - crochet, paint, collage, whatever. I bought a book the other day called "The Big Ass Book Of Crafts," and it's awesome. If you know me, you will probably end up with a gift or two from this book.
Then we discussed career. As much as I love what I am doing, as much as I love working with these kids and watching them learn and grow, I sometimes feel like my career is stagnant. I am working the exact same job, for the exact same (tiny!) living stipend as I did when I graduated from college, three years ago. I do not know what I want to be when I "grow up." I thought I knew, and I have some ideas, but nothing definite. I am pretty sure I want to go to grad school... but no idea what I want to study.
The reality check here, was: It's ok. I'm twenty-five years old. It's ok to not have it figured out yet. Even the people who look like they have it figured out at twenty-five probably don't. So, I got another assignment. Leave my house and research things. Jobs that interest me. Graduate programs that interest me. Other opportunities. I have to leave my house, which is good because I am much too easily distracted, especially when I'm surrounded by things that "must" get done.
I was also assigned the "job" of taking at least a 30 minute walk every day. I've found some good places to walk even when it is dark (which happens at about 4pm!), and have had the added bonus of getting to see everyone's holiday lights go up.
So, yeah. I'm lucky. Not only do I have family who are willing to help me out, I have friends - from all walks of life - who are willing to do the same. That's the most important thing, right?